Why Every Mom Needs to Know About Matrescence
For almost a decade into motherhood, I had no idea that I was undergoing a profound identity transformation called matrescence. I stumbled upon this term during the COVID lockdown while listening to the Happy Mama Movement podcast. I was trying to not lose my mind by scaling my treadmill in the basement, when the word stopped me in my tracks.
The podcast title caught my eye because, honestly, I didn’t feel like a “happy mama” at all. I was angry—more angry than I’d ever been. Every little thing triggered me. I’d lost the confidence I once had before becoming a mom, and I missed it deeply. I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing, and that feeling sucked. I was stuck in a cycle of judging and doubting myself in ways I never had before. I didn’t know where to turn to feel better. After all, as a therapist and mindfulness meditation teacher, I thought I should be able to get myself out of this ‘motherhood funk’.
When I learned about matrescence, it was like a weight lifted. Knowing there was a name for what I was going through—this messy, emotional upheaval—was a game-changer.
I wasn’t crazy, and I wasn’t a bad mom. Suddenly, I could make sense of my mixed emotions and depersonalize them. Amy Taylor-Kabbaz’s warm words explained that this is what motherhood feels like sometimes, and that’s okay.
Having a term like matrescence was like being handed a flashlight in a dark tunnel. It was what Oprah famously calls an “Aha-moment” that helped me make sense of the overwhelm I was feeling.
That moment shifted my entire career. I couldn’t believe more moms didn’t know about this powerful concept. I realized I needed to share this knowledge with as many moms as possible, so that no mom would have to carry unnecessary shame or self-blame for what they were experiencing. I also knew that knowing about matrescence would help moms enjoy motherhood more.
Matrescence is more than the physical process of giving birth or adopting a child. It’s a profound and often overlooked identity shift, one that fundamentally transforms every part of who we are.
What Is Matrescence?
The term matrescence was first introduced in the 1960s by anthropologist Dana Raphael, who argued that motherhood should be understood as more than just a physical event. Decades later, Dr. Aurelie Athan expanded on this concept, describing matrescence as a developmental rite of passage similar to adolescence.
According to Dr. Athan, matrescence is:
“A developmental passage where a woman transitions through preconception, pregnancy and birth, surrogacy, or adoption, to the postnatal period and beyond. The exact length of matrescence is individual, recurs with each child, and may arguably last a lifetime. The scope of the changes encompasses multiple domains—bio-psycho-social-political-spiritual—and can be likened to the developmental push of adolescence.”
Just as adolescence comes with hormonal, physical, and emotional changes, so does matrescence. And while every mother’s journey is unique, there are common themes that many of us share.
The 5 Core Themes of Matrescence
Dr. Alexandra Sacks, a psychiatrist specializing in motherhood, outlines five throughlines that shape the experience of matrescence:
Ambivalence
Motherhood is full of mixed emotions. You can love your kids and miss your life before them. You can feel joy and frustration. These contradictory feelings are normal and don’t make you a bad mom—they make you human.Fantasy vs. Reality
Many of us enter motherhood with preconceived ideas of what it “should” look like, shaped by media, social norms, and even our own childhoods. When reality doesn’t match those fantasies, it can create feelings of disappointment or disconnection.Guilt, Shame, and the “Good Enough Mother”
Societal expectations of motherhood are impossibly high. We’re told to be selfless, independent, and fulfilled by parenting alone. These myths create a cycle of guilt and shame when we inevitably fall short of perfection.Intergenerational Patterns
Becoming a mom often brings up unresolved wounds from our own childhoods. Whether we’re modeling or rejecting how we were raised, we’re influenced by the parenting we received—and we’re often faced with the challenge of breaking cycles of unhealed trauma.Competition
Motherhood demands a level of time and energy that can feel overwhelming. Juggling these demands alongside the pressures of work, relationships, and self-care creates a constant tension for many moms.
Why Matrescence Matters
Whether or not you relate to all these themes, simply knowing that matrescence exists can be transformative. It’s a framework that validates your feelings and reminds you that you’re not alone. You’re not just “struggling”—you’re in a process of profound growth and evolution.
Motherhood isn’t about getting everything right; it’s about navigating this process with grace, curiosity, and compassion for yourself. Just as you wouldn’t expect a teenager to know how to be an adult, you shouldn’t expect yourself to have all the answers or be a ‘perfect’ mom!
So, give yourself the patience and kindness you deserve. You’re not just raising your children—you’re also raising yourself.
To Learn More About Matrescence:
Articles:
Dr. Alexandra Sacks, The Birth of a Mother [Article link]
Podcasts:
The Happy Mama Movement Podcast (#67 and #154)
